Since Genesis 3, humanity’s desire has been to put self above God, and the historical result of that desire has been unrelenting affliction and suffering. Hostility toward God is an ongoing battle. Childbearing is painful. Unity in marriage is hard. Work is difficult. Nobody likes opposition, pain, conflict, and difficulty, but it’s the life we’ve been dealt because of our sinful nature and subsequent sinful thoughts, choices, words, and actions. So how are we to live and thrive in a broken world full of tremendous suffering? The world will tell you to remove the obstacles to your happiness, “you do you,” and prioritize self-care. Is that really the solution?
The World Health Organization says that “self-care is the ability of individuals, families and communities to promote health, prevent disease, maintain health, and cope with illness and disability with or without the support of a health worker.” So you want to maintain health, prevent disease, and cope with affliction? Without the support of a health worker? Self-care is your answer. Want to make sense of a fragmented world and make your life better? Do whatever you can for the sake of your own physical, mental, and emotional health. These are some of the solutions the world may offer.
But here’s the striking irony of that advice: The same urge to prioritize ourselves over God—the very catalyst for our brokenness—is now being employed as the primary strategy to fix it. Elevating self got us into the mess, yet somehow we think elevating self will get us out of the same mess. The truth is the mess only gets worse when we continue to elevate self over God.
To be clear, promoting health isn’t wrong. Trying to prevent future diseases is an honorable endeavor. Exercise and healthy eating have value. However, placing self-care as of utmost importance in life’s hardest problems is a misprioritized undertaking, at best, and a sinful path, at worst. I’m not saying self-care should be avoided at all costs. I am saying that the prioritization of self-care over God is absolutely sinful. So how can we tell when self-care moves from helpful to harmful because it has turned sinful?
Self-Care is Sinful When it Becomes Self-Indulgent
In today’s world, self-care is often associated with fulfilling desires with pleasures thought to be deserved and needed, especially during tough circumstances. Someone might even have well-meaning friends encouraging them by saying things like, “You deserve a break, prop your feet up, take a spa day, or a vacation.” Personally, there have been times I’ve even been tempted to think a round of golf is what I deserve after a long week.
The issue isn’t wonderful gifts like rest, vacations, a hobby, or a massage. The issue is the justification behind those gifts. As sinful humans, we only deserve one thing according to the scriptures, death (see Romans 6:23). Now, does God give gifts to us, including salvation and reconciliation back to him? Of course he does (see James 1:17)! But they are gifts of grace, ones of unmerited favor.
You may want a spa day because of a difficult parenting season, but you don’t deserve it. Your Oura ring may tell you to get eight hours of sleep per night for optimal physical health, but you don’t deserve it. You may want to play 18 holes of golf because of a hard work week, but you don’t deserve it.
My pastoral concern isn’t with the gifts though, but it is with people thinking that any gift is somehow earned or deserved. This type of entitlement screams self-indulgence: “I deserve to feed my weary soul with anything that makes me happy.” Because life is hard, you may want to indulge in some “deserved” pleasure that will give you temporary satisfaction; however, this is one of the ways that self-care crosses the line to sinfulness. Paul warns of the spiritual, eternal danger of self-indulgence when he instructs Timothy to withhold aid from certain types of widows because “...she who is self-indulgent is dead even while she lives” (1 Timothy 5:6). Yes, the church was told to not practically help self-indulgent widows! Why? Self-indulgence is a sin problem. But it is not the only one.
Self-Care is Sinful When it is Prioritized in Handling Stressors and Affliction
Stressors and affliction are parts of life. They were not part of the original design, and although they are not sinful parts of life, they can absolutely lead to sin. One of the most cunning lies from Satan is to subtly twist how we are to handle these situations: “When life gets difficult, prioritize yourself by strengthening yourself.” The practical result to believing this lie is self-centered coping mechanisms that either take God completely out of the situation or diminish the power of the gospel in the situation.
The author of Hebrews says, “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need” (Hebrews 4:15-16). What a promise! When we draw near to the throne of grace in times of weakness, temptation, and need, we will receive mercy and grace, because the gospel allows us to boldly approach God during those times.
Stressors and affliction in life are often daunting times of weakness, temptation, and need. The world often tells us that if we can’t run from or escape those situations, we need to learn how to cope with them better. We can do that by breathing deeply, freeing our minds, grounding ourselves, or through progressive muscle relaxation. However, God’s Word tells us to draw near to the throne of grace to receive mercy and find grace in those times. Is it ok to breathe differently in various circumstances? Sure! Is it ok to relax our muscles intentionally? Sure! Is it ok to prioritize worldly self-care coping mechanisms before you run to the throne of grace? Not at all! Instead of running to sinful self-care, seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness (Matthew 6:33), cast your cares on God (1 Peter 5:7), and present your requests to God (Philippians 4:6).
Self-Care is Sinful When it is Valued Over Soul Care
Someone once said, you are not a body that has a soul, but you are a soul that has a body. This aligns with Jesus’ call to discipleship when he says, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what shall a man give in return for his soul?” (Matthew 16:24-26). Preserving your body on earth at the expense of your soul for eternity is not the way of Christ! The wide path of worldly self-care is to value mental and physical health above soul care. Sure, Paul says that physical training has some value on this earth, but he’s clear to quickly instruct that godliness training has value for the life here and the life to come. Don’t let good habits become ultimate treasures. Self-care may have some value, but the temptation is to overvalue it, and to overvalue a good thing is idolatry. Self-care becomes sinful when it is idolized over soul care.
Ultimately, this is when self-care becomes self-harm. James would say it like this, “Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death” (James 1:15). When self-indulgent, misprioritized, and overvalued self-care becomes sinful, it leads to death.
The Best Option
The good news is that there is a far better option for the believer: The most important thing in life isn’t caring for yourself, or even caring for others. Jesus said, “...love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself” (Matthew 22:37-39). The best way to care for yourself and others is to prioritize your love for God. Don’t neglect caring for your soul by bowing down to the idol of loving your neighbor (read Jake’s thoughts on that here). Moreover, don’t neglect caring for your soul by bowing down to the idol of loving yourself.
Instead of believing the lie that self-care will bring you happiness in the midst of hardship, believe something greater! God’s ultimate goal isn’t to deny you happiness and make you miserable. He will never try to remove the obstacles to your happiness, but he will relentlessly show you that true and lasting happiness will only be found in him alone, not the temporary pleasures of sinful self-care.