What is marriage?
Some say marriage is an agreement between two people who are in love. Some say it’s an antiquated tradition, a remnant of the patriarchy, an outdated institution, or a civil union. Or, how about, marriage is a legally binding contractual relationship that defines rights, duties, and obligations. Or, marriage provides socially accepted rights for procreation, child-rearing, and power of attorney. Marriage ceremonies can happen in a church, in a backyard, or in a courthouse. Officiants of marriage can be ordained pastors, ship captains, or anyone willing to register online.
With all the worldly confusion about marriage, I find myself asking, “What is biblical marriage?”
Before I go any further, I need to make a confession. On my wedding day (December 19, 1987), I knew very little about what I’m about to write. If you ask my wife, she can confirm I have not been the ideal Christian husband. If you text my kids, I’m sure they can confirm the same. But now, by the grace of God, I can proclaim Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. And, by the grace of God, I’m able to confidently explain to you what the Bible says about marriage.
To explain God’s plan for marriage, I have broken it into four topics: (1) God’s origin of marriage, (2) God’s design for marriage, (3) God’s power through marriage, and (4) God’s limits within marriage.
God Establishes Marriage
The Bible has much to say about God’s plan for marriage. From the beginning, when he created the first man (Adam), God knew that a suitable helper (Eve) would be required in order for them to accomplish his plans (Genesis 2:18). God created man and woman in his own image (Genesis 1:27). God put them together and gave them the task to multiply and fill the earth (Genesis 2:15-25). To this day, God continues to place men and women together in covenant relationships in order to fulfill his purpose. In the eyes of God, when a man and a woman commit to a biblical marriage, they are no longer separate; they are one flesh. When two become one, they cannot return to their original status without something breaking (Matthew 19:6). A biblical marriage is a covenant made between a husband and a wife in the presence of God, bound together through the power of God’s Holy Spirit (Malachi 2:14-16).
God Designs Marriage
The Bible does not require every person to marry. Jesus taught that some people are able to choose a life of celibacy. He told the disciples “For those who can, let them choose it” (Matthew 19:11-12). But for those of us whom God calls to marry, we are to live out God-honoring marriages that reflect the sacrificial love shown between Christ Jesus and his church (Ephesians 5:31-32). Husbands are to love their wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her (Ephesians 5:25). Wives are to be subject to their own husbands, as the church is to abide in and through Christ Jesus (Ephesians 5:24). Biblical marriage is a living testimony of Christians loving God more than themselves or the world (John 13:35). Biblical marriage is not a contractual agreement made between two people and enforced by a court of law; a biblical marriage is a covenant relationship established between a man and a woman with God as the authority, Jesus as the mediator, and the Holy Spirit as the arbitrator.
God Empowers Marriage
Biblical marriage is powerful. It causes a man to leave his parents (Genesis 2:24) and willingly accept the responsibility to lead, protect, and provide for his own family (1 Corinthians 11:3; 1 Timothy 5:8). Biblical marriage has the power to cause a woman to willingly give up the protection provided by her parents and then place her trust in the hands of her husband. A biblical marriage proclaims that both the husband and the wife possess equal value in God’s eyes, yet each is required to accept separate and distinct roles within the bounds of their marriage. Within biblical marriage, the primary focus for both husband and wife is worship of their Creator. Secondary benefits of their covenant relationship are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control supplied by God’s Holy Spirit (Galatians 5:22). Third, by the grace of God, husbands and wives may strive to be fruitful, to multiply, and to overcome worldliness (Genesis 1:28).
God Limits Marriage
Biblical marriage is a covenant relationship between two believers. God commanded his people not to intermarry with sons and daughters of unbelievers (Deuteronomy 7:3-4; 2 Corinthians 6:14-15). The power to live out a God-centered marriage comes from God (Luke 11:13). It does not come from self-determination, strength, or willpower. God-centered, God-focused and God-prioritized living leads to marriages that are more about worship than about self. For those who are contemplating marriage, the most important qualification for your future spouse is their demonstrated relationship with Jesus Christ. For believers who are unequally yoked in marriage, your primary mission field was defined the moment you said “I do”. You are to remain a witness of Jesus Christ, so that perhaps through the grace of God, your spouse may be won over (1 Peter 3:1-2). For those who are widowed, even though you are no longer bound in marriage (1 Corinthians 7:39), the way in which you grieve your spouse’s passing and celebrate their resurrection brings honor to God.
Biblical marriage is so much more than two people who are in love with each other. It is about people who are so in love with their Creator that they are willing to structure their marriage in a way that focuses on God first, their spouse second, and themselves third. Their marriage is a reflection of Christ and his church.
My hope and prayer for the people of Veritas Church is a clearer understanding of how marriage is ordained to work. Marriage is not about our rights, expectations, or pleasures; it is about worship. Worship of our God, who is worthy. As we prayerfully consider how to become better everyday missionaries, may we witness to the world through our God-centered marriages.